Chaos Is a Compass

Chaos is a Compass

What if being lost is actually a good thing?

In this episode, Ash makes the case that chaos isn't the enemy, it's the signal. The discomfort, the uncertainty, the feeling that everything is falling apart? That's not a dead end. That's a compass emerging.

Ash breaks down why making up your mind is the hardest part of any journey, why chaos lured you in for a reason, and what it actually means to do the internal work when you're too exhausted to do anything at all.

The compass isn't something you find. It's something that's already in you - you just have to get still enough to hear it.

This one is for anyone who's been praying, journaling, going on their hot girl walks, and still asking: okay but how do I actually get out of this?

The answer might surprise you.

Enjoyed this episode? Subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it.

📱 Follow along: @ashjolene_ on Instagram 

🎙️ New episodes every Thursday 

💌 Got a topic you want Ash to cover? Email us at heyashjolene@gmail.com

Now What Are We Doing? is for anyone navigating adulthood when life doesn't go exactly as planned. 

Transcript

Why You Feel Stuck

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I want to start off by saying that being lost is actually a good thing. And you're probably shaking your head at that. And you're probably like, why in the world would I want to be lost? Being lost is a good thing because it means you've come to your end.

Lost Is a Good Sign

SPEAKER_00 0:15

If you can recognize that you're lost, it means that you realize that your way of doing things is not working. Today's episode, I'm really excited about. It's called Chaos is a Compass. And if you're coming here from the first episode and you're still feeling stuck, or if you haven't listened to the first episode yet, I really recommend that. But this is for the folks that just feel stuck. They feel lost. They feel like they have a lot of dreams on the inside of them and they don't know how to get to the next step. It feels like there's an ocean between where you are now and where God has called you to be. This podcast episode is for you. I don't know about you, but this time of the year

Reflection as a Superpower

SPEAKER_00 1:02

is the time of year I like to reflect a lot. As a new year is beginning, I think a lot of people kind of take on that mental characteristic. They think about where they want to be financially, relationship-wise, friendship-wise, career-wise. And people tend to do a lot of reflecting. But what I'm going to encourage you to do is to not be scared of the reflection while you listen to this episode. I want you to really sit in your feelings, sit in what you're examining. Because what I really believe is how you feel is an indicator of where you need to go. How you feel, and we covered this in the first podcast episode, is actually a guide. And so you might be listening to this 20, 30, 40 years old and be really frustrated with yourself. But I want you to think about that. There are some people who live their entire lives, 60, 70, 80, 90 years old, and never come to the understanding that their way of doing things was not working for them.

Make Up Your Mind

SPEAKER_00 2:18

So being lost, the acknowledgement that you are lost, the acknowledgement that how you're doing things isn't producing the fruit that you want to produce, isn't producing the dreams that you want to produce, that is a good thing. And I know it's uncomfortable to even feel that. It's uncomfortable to even say that, but it's a good thing. Trust me. You know that quote that says insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. You have accomplished step one of getting out of that, which is understanding, understanding that what you are doing or not doing is not going to lead to the expected outcome. And if I'm honest, I really think that is what takes the longest. People talk about, oh, it took years and years and years to get to a certain point. I think making up your mind is what really takes the longest on your journey to success, on your journey to having solid friendships or a solid relationship. It's the war in your mind can take years, decades. When you make up your mind, things become clear, things are put in order, and you just become hyper-focused on where you want to go. So if you've made up your mind, if you're already to that point, you're light years ahead of a lot of folks. Some of you feel bad

How Chaos Hooks You

SPEAKER_00 3:42

because you feel like, well, that's all I've done is make up my mind. But I want you to really think about it because when you make up your mind, you already start to make shifts. Once you have adopted another mindset mentally, you start to shift, whether you realize it or not. You start not wanting to hang out in the same places. Maybe there's certain jobs that you will no longer even entertain, certain romantic relationships that you will no longer even entertain because you have the acknowledgement of you can't keep doing what you used to do if you want to go forward to where you need to be. But let's backtrack a little bit and talk about chaos and how that can actually feel and how bad it can actually get. The thing about chaos is that it never starts off as chaos. Sometimes it actually starts off feeling pretty good because it does offer something incentivizing, right? We wouldn't be lured into chaos. You wouldn't be lured into a person, a friendship, a job if there wasn't something about it that was enticing. And that's where we need to sit too because there is something, whether you like to admit it or not, whatever chaotic situation

Get Quiet in the Noise

SPEAKER_00 5:05

you're dealing with, and it could just be getting the bag. There was something incentivizing about the chaos, not only lured you in, but kept you there for an extended amount of time past your expiration date. And acknowledging that is a part of taking accountability. When you're in a chaotic situation, when you're in a chaotic situation, you have to understand the need that that was fulfilling for you and learn how to fill it in a healthy way. You may be listening to this and you'd be like, tracking, understand, got it. How do I get out of it? How do I get out of it? Because I'm praying, I'm fasting, I'm seeking, I'm reading the self-help books, I'm doing X, I'm going on my long, hot girl walks. But how do I get out of the chaos? First things first, I want you to lean into the idea that chaos builds the skill set of getting quiet even when there's a lot of noise outside. And I know that can be hard to digest, but have you ever been to a kid's party or been around a lot of kids that were just being kids wild playing XYZ? If you've done it enough times, you may have adopted the ability to lock in and hyper focus on reading a book, watching that TV show, scrolling on your phone in the midst of a lot of noise. The same thing can be true for your situation. And I'm not saying that it won't be bothersome at times, but what I'm saying is in the middle of your chaotic situation, this is the opportunity for you to learn to lock in to yourself, to be in tune with yourself, to be in tune with what you really need mentally, spiritually, physically. A chaotic time period in your life is not a green card to abandon yourself. And I know you're tempted to do that because when you come to your wits end, that's what you want to do. Spiral into depression, anxiety, I get it. I struggle with anxiety immensely, but it's also an opportunity to press in a different way. And what I mean by press in a different way, a lot of times when you're in a chaotic situation, you want to produce more, you want to work more. You want to say, what more can I do with my hands to produce and work more? But what you need to do is work internally. How much more quiet can I get? How can I make sure

The Compass Is Within

SPEAKER_00 7:47

my spirit is still so that I know what move to make, so that I'm in tune with God, so that I can get back to myself, so that I can have peace of mind. The only way to do that in a chaotic situation is to put in the work and it's a different type of work. I know what you're thinking. If you're really in a chaotic situation, you're like, girl, I don't want to work. I'm exhausted. I'm about to click out this podcast. It's a different type of work. It's a rejuvenating type of work, it's a peaceful type of work. And it's peaceful because it's about putting you first. A lot of times when you're in a chaotic situation, you're putting everybody else first but yourself. You've overextended yourself in ways you should have never, sometimes you should have not even extended, let alone overextended. Some of us were doing the most. But regardless, it's about becoming still and tapping back into yourself. The next idea I want to share is the compass isn't something that you find, it's something that emerges within you. If you think about being lost, the first thing people might want to do is find a compass. And they're looking everywhere except for on their own person. Where's the compass? Is it behind that tree? Is it behind that bush? Is it in the mountain somewhere? Where's the compass? Where is the device I need in order to get back to myself, in order to center myself, in order to get back on the track that I know that I need to be, in order to find my peace of mind. And that's why that second point I mentioned is so important, being able to quiet yourself in the midst of the chaos. It's important because the compass is in you. I think deep down we have a really strong idea of what we should be doing. Whether it's starting a business, whether it's leaving a job, leaving a relationship, not engaging in behaviors that will diminish us in any type of way. A lot of us don't actually need someone to tell us what to do because we have that compass within us. We just need to step out. If you think about a compass, if you hold a compass in your hand, and I don't actually don't even think I've ever held a compass, a real one, um, now that I'm thinking about it, but there is a compass app on the iPhone, so don't sleep on it. The compass really starts to work when you start moving around. And a lot of us are too scared to take a leap. So we we're holding the compass and we're saying it's broken, it doesn't work. But you haven't took one step, you haven't turned to the right or turned to the left. So you actually don't know if your compass

Move First Then Trust

SPEAKER_00 10:40

works or not. It's actually user error. I think sometimes we want a map and not a compass. And sorry, babes, you're not gonna get a map, not to life, you're gonna get a compass, you're gonna get that feeling in your gut telling you, hey, don't do that, don't go there. This isn't the person for you. But you're not gonna get a map. You're going to have to trust yourself, and I know that seems scary, and I know you feel like you're not ready for it, but the fact that you feel chaotic, the fact that you feel uncomfortable in your current situation means you're ready to make a move. Life is supposed to be enjoyable. It is. It's not supposed to be a series of unfortunate events, it's not supposed to be this hard, strenuous thing every single day. Yes, there are seasons where it's harder than other seasons, and there's seasons of challenges, but in general, life is supposed to be enjoyable. Something I always say to myself is I want an extraordinary life. And I think a lot of you listening want the same thing for yourself. You don't want a life based off of routine, you want an exciting life. If you didn't want that, you wouldn't make a vision board. If you didn't want that, you wouldn't have a Pinterest board. There's something in you that wants something bigger than what you have. But in order to get that, you're going to have to be our favorite word, uncomfortable. You're gonna have to be uncomfortable. Not for forever. And being uncomfortable does not mean you don't have an enjoyable life, it just means you're uncomfortable. I really think the war in our mind is that we're fighting for a sense of normal, we're fighting for a routine because we don't want to be bothered to a certain extent, shifting and moving. I think a lot of times we get sucker punched into thinking the enemy is this big boogeyman type person that you know my grandmother always says

Routine Is the Trap

SPEAKER_00 12:54

comes to kill, steal, and destroy. All that is true, but one of the ways he's killing and destroying guys is routine, is getting you trapped into this is all there is. Chaos is all there is, this job is all there is, this no good partner is all there is. This friend that you know y'all not balanced, you're not equal is all there is. That is a trap, and it is a narrative that has been presented, and when you choose to believe that narrative, you get lost and you get trapped, and you start swirling, and before you know it, you're like, I'm lost, I don't know what to do, I need a map. In order to really lean forward and to take the next step, you need to separate your old self from your emerging self. And I use that word on purpose: emerging self. There is an old version of you that would have visualized your current circumstance as normal, and then there's the new version of you that is emerging, you're a bridge between where you were and where you want to go, and you're uncomfortable. You're uncomfortable, but here's the key thing your mind is different. That's how you know you're no longer your old self. Your mind, which is the first thing that changes when you're about to go into a new adventure, a new place, a new territory, is your mind changes. I think what we don't talk about is sometimes we're sad. Sometimes we're sad that that old version of ourself can we're we're sad that that old version of ourself can't go into the future with us, not where we want to go. I think we talk about grief a lot in the way of other people, whether it be other people passing away or an actual relationship of some sort

Grieving Your Old Self

SPEAKER_00 15:08

ending. But a lot of times we grieve old versions of ourselves, and I don't think we always hold space for that. Letting go of yourself, even when it was, you know, iPhone 11, and now there's an iPhone 12 out or whatever that's shiny and fancy and new, and you're excited about it. And two things can be true, right? You can be excited about the new version of yourself, and you can also be sad that this familiar version of yourself has to change or alter, or sometimes die. So, what do you do? I think the moment that you realize that, hey, this is me, you're speaking to me, you have to realize that there was a catalyst to the chaos, and momentum kept building and building and building and building, and there is a point

When It Falls Into Place

SPEAKER_00 16:14

at which chaos causes a breakthrough. Just like you feel in your own body, you feel the anxiety building and building, building, you feel the depression, building and building, you feel all these feelings building and building and building. That is a parallel to what is actually happening around you. The things that you can't see. That's what I'm talking about. The things that you can't see, things are being put in order and it's being built and built and built and built and built, just like you're changing internally, there are things changing externally, even if you can't see it. And sometimes you can. Sometimes you can see bits and pieces of it. I want to remind you that a lot of times when everything feels like it's falling apart, it's really falling into alignment. And before you're like, show me the evidence, show me the deeds, show me the proof. I want you, because this we're talking about your life. I want you to actually dig deep into your life, your history, your past tracks, and find evidence of when things were falling apart for you, at least it felt like it, but they were actually falling together. I think that's a big part of trusting and leaning into the compass. And trusting is a big part of taking that first step. And I think we look outside of ourselves again. We always we're always looking outside of ourselves for what is really already inside of us. Well, here's what I want to leave you with. I want you to really focus on observing your thoughts. I know that's a wild take. I the words you speak matter. A lot of times you don't even realize what you're

Observe Thoughts and Speak Hope

SPEAKER_00 18:09

saying or not saying is impacting you because you're not even observing your thoughts. Before you speak something, you think it. Take some time to observe your thoughts. No judgment, just observe them. Are they positive or are they negative regarding your future or current circumstance? Once you observe enough, you start to realize the reality of your situation and you start to realize: are you really leaning in? Are you really trusting? Are you still trying to entertain some type of escapism? If I could leave you with one thing, it is something I tell myself often, and it's something that I tell other people often, and it is that the best is yet to come. Some of y'all will be like, that's cheesy, that's corny. The best is yet to come. See how I just interrupted your thoughts. That's what you have to start doing. The best is yet to come. When a negative thought comes into your mind, the best is yet to come. It doesn't even matter what today looks like. It doesn't matter what yesterday looks like, the best is yet to come. Continue to say that so

Rebuild Trust With Yourself

SPEAKER_00 19:23

that you will believe it. Continue to interrupt negative thoughts so that you will believe it. And one thing I've learned about myself, because I went through a really bad breakup where I felt like I couldn't trust myself. And feeling like you can't trust yourself and feeling like you can't trust God are actually linked. A lot of times in my life where I felt like I couldn't trust myself, I actually felt like I couldn't trust God. The way you build trust with yourself is by doing what you said you were going to do. And that could be big or small. That could be you said you were gonna wake up at seven, so wake up at seven. It's it could be you said you were gonna do that 5 a.m. workout, so do it. And that will do two things for you. It will train your brain into understanding that when you say you're going to do something, you will do it. The second thing is that it will build a sense of normalcy within you. And if you're in a chaotic situation, what you need most is to

Grace and Consistency

SPEAKER_00 20:30

feel normal. I want to end this podcast by encouraging to give yourself some grace. Grace does not mean you don't do the work, it doesn't mean you lift your foot up off the gas. Grace means you don't have to beat yourself up over something. You don't have to continually walk down with your head down. But there still is work to do. And I mentioned this in the previous podcast. The work could just be internal for right now, it could just still be get your mind right. But for some of y'all, and I don't have to tell you what the work is because you know what the work is. The thing you keep sleeping on is the work. Stay hyper-focused on your own lane. Don't look to the left or the right of you. For a lot of us, where God has us, we're going up, we're going up high. If you live in Dallas, like I live in Dallas, all those highways with the overpasses 635 Dallas North Tollway. Imagine if you were going 60, 70, 80 miles per hour, but you kept looking to the left or the right of you to see what your neighbor was doing. Crash, tragic. That's what I'm trying to tell you right now to do, mind your own business so that you can go where you need to go. This is a journey, it's a process, it's not anything to be rushed, but it is something to attend to, and it's something to be consistent with. If anything, you deserve your own consistency. You deserve to not break promises to yourself. You deserve to feel good about where you are in life and who you are in life. And really, the only way to do that, if you're in the middle of a chaotic situation, if you're in the middle of feeling like you're lost, if you're in the middle of feeling like you're broken, is to learn how to trust the compass. I hope this podcast was encouraging. I hope that you got something from it. I am so excited, so blessed to be able to share with you guys. And I can't wait till we talk again. Till next time.