Burned Out or Unmotivated? How to Actually Tell the Difference

Burned Out or Unmotivated? How to Actually Tell the Difference

You're exhausted — but is it burnout or are you just stuck? In this episode, we're getting honest about the difference between being truly depleted and being resistant, and why that distinction changes everything. We're talking about what rest actually is (hint: it's not Netflix), why doom scrolling is keeping you trapped, and the simple 20-minute test that will tell you whether you need to push through or pull back. If you've ever felt like you're drowning and can't figure out if you need to work harder or rest harder — this one's for you.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, wonderful people, and welcome back to the pod. Today's podcast is so timely. If you feel overworked, if you feel guilty for resting, if you feel like you just need a break, you need another week of PTO, you need another holiday to enjoy because you just can't find the rest, the rejuvenation that you're looking for. And if you feel like the answer to all your problems is just to work harder. If you're on either side of the coin here, this episode is for you. Today's podcast episode is how do I know when to rest and when to work? Ask yourself these questions. And I want you to really tune in to how you feel. This podcast is going to be about getting in touch with inner you because you're not going to know the answer to any of these. You're not going to be able to move forward in any capacity until you get clear on how you actually feel, which is why I need your undivided attention. Answer this truthfully.

Depleted vs Resistant

SPEAKER_00 1:02

Am I depleted or am I resistant? Think about what it feels and looks like for you to be depleted. Not anyone else, but for you. Some examples. I know when I'm depleted, I'm highly irritable. I can't think straight. Highly irritable. And I have a lot of brain fog. When I'm depleted, filming anything on TikTok or a podcast will normally take me five minutes, can take me an hour when I'm depleted. When I'm physically depleted, when I haven't eaten all day, when I haven't drank enough water, I'm clumsy. A meal that would normally take me 20 minutes is taking me an hour because I just can't remember where the seasoning is and I can't remember, and I forgot this at the store. Depleted, exhausted. That is what depleted feels and looks like. Or am I resistant? Resistant is I have some base level type of energy. It doesn't mean I have all the energy, it doesn't mean that I'm hyper. It doesn't mean that I have all the energy of I've ever had in my life. I have some type of consistent, well, there might be ebbs and flows, form of energy, but fear is holding me back. And this can look like making clear-cut plans, but never following through. You have sent five drafts to all your friends that they've all signed off and approved. Your mama, who knows nothing about what you want to do with your life, who knows who doesn't understand the internet at all, has signed off and approved. But you're resistant because of fear. I know I struggle with fear of perfectionism. You know how long this podcast has been on the docket for

The Answer Is In A 20 Min Test

SPEAKER_00 2:44

me? Years. Here's a real key indicator that I've recently been using for my life. If I work on this project, if I go work out, whatever it is that I'm thinking about doing, if I spend 20 minutes doing that, will that reduce my stress or increase it? Literally, 20 minutes. You can do anything for 20 minutes. You can jog for 20 minutes, you can write for 20 minutes, you can work on your business for 20 minutes. Think about that thing right now. If I do this thing for 20 minutes, will I be more relaxed or will I be more anxious? That will help you answer should I be working right now or should I be resting? By the time you leave this podcast episode, you'll know the difference between rest as wisdom versus rest as avoidance. And more importantly, hopefully understand some type of rhythm that protects your nervous system, protects your most valuable asset, which is your mind. So let's go ahead and get into it. I cannot

Rest as Self Respect

SPEAKER_00 3:43

tell you how many times I've fallen into the lie. If I rest, I'm lazy, I'm falling behind, everyone else is ahead. I need to do a 10-year plan, a 20-year plan, a 30-year plan. And it's almost comical because at the same time, I've also struggled with I cannot even work another week at this job. I'm exhausted. I'm at my wit's end. I have nothing else to give, nothing else to pour out. I'm empty. I'm dry. I want to tap into the fact that the goal here isn't balance, but the goal is to see both of those sides of the coins as a form of self-respect when honored appropriately. Choosing to rest is a form of honoring yourself, is a form of self-respect. If you've ever been burnt out at a job, a lot of the reasons why we are burnt out at a job or in friendships or relationships, because let's be real, let's chat about it, isn't because they ask us to do something that's out of our capabilities or wheelhouse. It's because it's a continuous stream of ass without any real rest, without any real downtime, without any real time to rejuvenate yourself and replenish yourself and to take time to set the course on what's next. You're gonna hate me because I'm about to use a sports analogy and I know nothing about sports, but I think about in basketball or football when they have timeouts in life, you need a timeout. And I'm not talking about a weekend, I'm not talking about 6 p.m. when you clock out of work. You need a break in the middle of the game, in the middle of your month of work, in the middle of whatever you're doing, in the middle of whatever is going on, to say, I need to take a step back. And that is honoring yourself. And here's the thing a lot of us do that when we get to our wits' end, when we feel like, I hate everyone, I hate my life, this sucks, everything sucks. And we think, now I'm gonna honor myself. Honoring yourself starts day one. And if we can be real, honoring ourselves starts with what we even choose from the beginning to engage with, and whatever capacity you are working at in this season in your life, whether you're working a nine to five, whether you're in a friendship or marriage or whatever that is, wherever you're serving, working is honoring yourself because your gifts, your talents that you have is out on display for people to enjoy. The smile you bring, the joy you bring, that is honoring yourself by extending the grace of your gifts and your talents to others. Both are needed, but in the right scope and in the right capacity. Both rest and work are gifts, they're fruit to be enjoyed. But any fruit that is pushed out of season is spoiled

Real Rest Not Scrolling

SPEAKER_00 6:48

or premature. Now, I really want to hang my hat on breast because if you feel like you're resting too much, or if you feel like you need to rest more, you don't know what the answer is. I think the solution can be found here. Rest is not scrolling on TikTok. Rest is not watching Hulu, rest is not watching Netflix, rest is not a bunch of reality TV. And I know what you're saying, Ash. I'm watching Hulu right now as I'm listening to you and I feel well rested. There's different types of rest. That's the very surface level type of rest where you just need a quick cat nap and you can be back and at it. But real rest is taking care of you. Real rest is taking care of little version of you, eight-year-old version of you, 10-year-old version of you, 15 version of you. Real rest is honoring all those versions of yourself by enjoying something that fills you up, something that you really want to do. Something that you guys may not know about me is that I like to paint. I do. Like, probably the only person that knows that about me is my husband and maybe my mother. I like to paint. Now, am I good? No, I'm not good. But what painting does for me is it allows me to not be good at something. And for me, that's rest. Notice I didn't say inactivity. For me, inactivity actually doesn't fill me up. Is it nice? Sure. Is it nice to pig out on the couch and watch Netflix and watch TV? Sure. But those things to me are not restful in this season. Why I find that things like TikTok, Doom Scrolling, I'm not a TikTok hater, but doom scrolling or ingesting a lot of media that is not doing anything for you. Why I find that that's actually harmful is because it's putting a lot of various ideas in your head without any context. And it's very easy to become bombarded with this idea and this idea and this idea, and you know what idea you're not focused on? Your dreams. You're focused on everyone else's, mind you, likely manufactured content, not even true or real in any form or fashion. It's a true form of escapism. If I can escape the pain in my life, and it doesn't even have to be the pain in my life, the disdain for my job or the conflict I'm having with my family. If I can escape that disdain by doom scrolling and looking at an AI chicken dancing for five minutes, then that gives me a false sense of connection and safety that is over as soon as the video is over. But guess what? I'm still doom scrolling. And that's

Rest and Work Is a Rhythm

SPEAKER_00 9:48

the issue. Okay, so let's get into how do I know if rest is the solution? So if you feel like you're in a rut and you feel like I just need someone to help me get my mental and my emotional car out of this ditch. Let's use that analogy. That's what it feels like. And I don't know if I just need to rest harder or work harder. I don't know what the answer is. It feels it feels like quicksand. You know, it is am I just going to be sinking faster and quicker if I work hard to get to the surface? I think it goes without saying that the type of rest that I'm talking about is extended rest. As humans, we all need and deserve rest. So I just want to make sure that's super clear. You should be incorporating rest into some type of routine. So it should be reoccurring. But just like rest is reoccurring, work and effort should also be reoccurring. This is truly a practice of checking in with yourself.

The Importance of Spiritual Hygiene

SPEAKER_00 10:57

I was listening to a podcast uh the other week with Oprah and Ayana Van Zant, and I've been listening to them for years since I was a little girl. She has a new book called Spiritual Hygiene. And the way she conceptualized this, I think is so important. Spiritual hygiene, as in when you get up in the morning, what do you do physically? Brush your teeth, wash your face. If you wear contacts, you put your contacts in, shower, XYZ. That's something you do every day. You wouldn't go a day without brushing your teeth, but we go days without checking in with ourselves. Weeks, months. And then that's how we get to I'm burnt out, and I don't know if the answer is to work more or to rest. We've lost touch with ourselves. We don't know what we need. We're plants, but we don't know if we need more water or more sun because we haven't been keeping up with what's been going on in our day-to-day and the impact of that on our lives. And I think that's what I'm getting out here is the goal here is to be so in tune with yourself that you do not let other people tell you what you need. You already know it. If you're not at the forefront of your needs, the world, your job, your family, your your kids, your husband will tell you what you need. And some of these people may mean wealth because at the end of the day, everyone else has needs. So people are coming with you with can I, can you, can you do this? It's just five minutes, please. Can you do this really quick? And you say sure, yes, or you shut down completely, and they're like, Oh, so rude. What's up with her? What's up with the attitude? And then you huff and puff, and you're like, that person is so inconsiderate. I can't believe they would ask me to X, Y, Z when the issue is you do not check in with yourself to even know if you even have the bandwidth. Maybe your phone needs to be on do not disturb today, but instead you're taking everybody's calls, trying to be a mediator. The practice of checking in with yourself is truly knowing yourself. As much as we may want to know what's next, what's happening next in the world, what's happening next on the news and the stock market, in our families and our friends. If you don't know what's happening next with you, what I can guarantee you, it doesn't matter how much resting or how much work you do is gonna

Avoiding Burnout & Learning To Resting in Real Life

SPEAKER_00 13:35

lead to crashing if you don't know what's going on with you. So, some practical ways to to check in with yourself and to really seek that alignment, especially if you're feeling burnt out, if you're feeling like I just need to be resuscitated. I really want you guys to frame this as the work you're doing that we're talking about in this podcast episode is for you. Everything else you may have done that has led you to this emotional state that you are in right now has been for everyone else. But this is for you. Don't judge your thoughts. If you, especially if you struggle with perfectionism and being cynical and criticizing, don't judge your thoughts, just observe them. Your thoughts tell you a lot about what's going on with you right now. If all your thoughts are, oh, I should have done that better, why did I wear this? It didn't call her back, you're worried about everybody else much more than you're worried about yourself. And that's an issue. Rest is for everyone, truly. Even if you're struggling with perfectionism and being critical, or if you're struggling with being lazy, the goal here isn't to rest less, the goal is to rest effectively. Resting is not being a couch potato. Resting is not being inactive. Resting is actually a very active thing. Even if, even if I you come into my room right now and I say that I'm resting and I'm not doing a whole lot of movement in my body, I'm resting if I'm aligned. That's what rest is. It's meaning an alignment with yourself and in tune with yourself, in tune with God, in tune with everything that He has put on this earth for you to do. I hope that you don't judge yourself for what you're feeling right now. You do not have to have it all figured out, and you will not have it

Urgency Is a Signal

SPEAKER_00 15:45

all figured out if you continue to be hypercritical of yourself. If you're struggling with, oh, I just need to work, I just need to prove myself, I just need to work more, I need to work more, I need to work more. I promise you, until the world stops spinning, work will be there. It's not going anywhere, and a lot of times we make things more urgent in our head than they are in reality. The urgency you feel is actually your emotions, your mind, your will, and your emotions saying, help me, help me, give me attention, talk to me, align with me. Channel that urgency into yourself. Free yourself of the invisible strings holding you back. Do me a favor if you enjoyed this podcast, please share it on social media. That just helps me so much. Leave me a comment. Let me know what you thought about this podcast. Let me know what you thought about this podcast episode and if it was helpful. All right, until next time.